WWE Raw 3/27/2012

Tonight: The last show before Wrestlemania does its job hyping up the crowd.

Welcome to the final Raw before Wrestlemania! To start off this show, we have Randy Orton and Sheamus vs. Kane and Daniel Bryan. For some reason, Bryan kissing AJ looks really gross. It starts with Bryan and Orton, with Orton taking control for the most part. After Kane and Sheamus tag in, Sheamus gets knocked out and Bryan does his great running dropkick. After we get back from break, Sheamus and Bryan are in the ring, with Bryan in control. Sheamus tags out, and Orton quickly goes into his Five Moves, only prevented from doing the RKO because Kane pulled Bryan out of the ring. This enables them to regain control, leading to Kane being tagged in. Eventually Kane lands a flying clothesline, leading to an attempted chokeslam, countered by a dropkick which leaves both of them on the mat. After Sheamus and Bryan tags in, AJ gets in the ring to distract the ref, allowing Kane to hit a chokeslam so Bryan can pin Sheamus for the victory.

After the break, Michael Cole is in the ring and puts on a Team Johnny shirt. Cole introduces Johnny Ace, who really needs theme music. He then announces that Vickie Guerrero is his flagbearer, then introduces David Otunga, who looks like he's wearing a bib. This leads to Booker T introducing Teddy Long, who brings out Santino and Hornswoggle. There's a great moment in this match when the flags enter the ring, leading to Otunga hitting himself in the face, getting hit by the Cobra and pinned. Teddy pushes Johnny down, and Santino sets up to hit Mr. Excitement with the cobra, but Miz stops him and earns the last spot on Team Johnny.

They're showing highlights of the Rock/Cena feud over the past year, and they're pretty good. They then show a great montage hyping up Undertaker vs. Triple H. The montage ends, going into a recap of the feud leading up to their match, and it reminds me how excellent it has been. Sadly, we then go into a match between Eve and Kelly Kelly.

Kelly Kelly starts a hoeski chant, and the match is as weak as expected. I continue to hate Kelly Kelly's pathetic excuse for a huracanrana, which was preceded by the worst example of hitting the ropes I've ever seen. Then there's the weirdest attempt of a small package pin ever. Ugh.

The next match should be better – Christian vs. CM Punk. Before the match Jericho comes on the Titantron to taunt Punk some more. Tonight he brings his mother into it, saying that she's the only person that's not an embarrassment. He then brings up that Punk's parents weren't married when he was born, saying that makes Punk the “legal definition of a bastard.” Christian sneak attacks Punk before the match, but Punk ends up unloading on Christian, taking out all his frustration on him and doing a variation of the GTS using the steel steps instead of his knee, followed by locking Christian in the Anaconda Vice. The match never even starts, and Punk leaves Christian lying outside the ring. This was a great segment.

Funkasaurus! He finally nails the end of his dance. Curt Hawkins manages to take Brodus down, leading to another decent match. Still a squash, but not entirely one sided, which is nice. Another little recap of the Cena/Rock feud, this one showing Cena's great promo which kicked the feud into high gear.

The next match is Big Show vs. Primo. This is completely a squash match, and Epico tries to attack Big Show after the match only to get a chokeslam. Cody Rhodes comes out for one last promo, saying that choking when it's the most important will be known as pulling a Big Show.

There's a brief segment setting up a future feud between the Bellas, then Eve stringing Zack Ryder along again. Josh Matthews “interviews” Punk, though he doesn't even get to ask anything before Punk goes off and gives a great promo.

Next is Mark Henry vs. Khali, and I don't have high hopes for this match. While they enter, it's announced that Christian has been replaced by Drew McIntyre due to his injury. Not sure why Johnny would add him to the team, considering his losing streak. This is a short match, ending with Mark Henry hitting the World's Strongest Slam on Khali. Teddy gets rolled into the ring, then Johnny calls out his team to stop anyone from helping Teddy. All the members of Team Teddy come out and get destroyed, with Mark Henry going for the WSS on Teddy, but Booker T gets involved to save Teddy and knock out Mark Henry. Thus Booker T joins Team Teddy. They finally have a respected world champion on their team. They still look weak, clearly going into the match as the underdogs.

The final Rock/Cena recap is from last weak, where the Rock supposedly looked strong by Rock Bottoming an already beaten Mark Henry. After the break, I'm kind of sad that they've already announced that Flo Rida will be playing in the Rock, and MGK will be playing in Cena. I like the surprise of the big entrances.

Out comes The Rock! He takes a long time to say anything, simply soaking in the crowd's response and encouraging their chants silently. Not a bad promo, it really builds up his egotistical character. Cena interrupts him, coming out to a mixed but overall positive reaction. Cena's promo revolves around the fact that the Rock is a great trash talker, but it doesn't phase him because everyone trash talks him. I love that he brings up that he's been an active part of the WWE longer than the Rock. This is a fantastic promo, and I would say that was a draw – both men looked strong.

Great show, as should be expected for the last Raw before Wrestlemania. I can't pick any best moments, as it was so strong from beginning to end.

WWE Raw 3/19/2012

Holy crap I'm late! Sorry everyone, I had to work closing shift last night and, unfortunately, the same thing will be happening next week.

First up is CM Punk. His feud with Chris Jericho is fantastic, and getting better all the time. Last week's promo by Jericho was fantastic, and Punk's tonight is great. He puts a lot of emotion into it, and it feels real. Honestly, that's the best you could say for any promo. He essentially rejects Jericho, swearing that he won't allow Jericho to get in his head. “There isn't a person on this planet that should let a past nightmare dictate or cloud their future dreams.” Great line. He then goes on to reveal that his father has beaten his alcoholism.

Jericho then comes on the Titantron via satellite to... apologize? He practically begs for forgiveness at first, and swears to never talk about Punk's father again. And then, like a good heel, brings up his sister's substance abuse problem. Oh man, this is the best feud going into Wrestlemania. Punk looks so angry, and lets loose a whole lot of censored speech. I don't think I've ever seen him look that angry!

Wait, seriously? A new Stooges movie? I.... WHAT?

They come back from commercial with Kane doing his in-ring pyro, set to face the Big Show. Cody Rhodes comes out before the match starts, and seems to be joining the commentary team for this match. We get treated to a great video package of Big Show's Wrestlemania moments. This is a short match – Cody distracts Big Show long enough for Kane to hit a top rope choke slam for the win. Rhodes then hits the Beautiful Disaster on Big Show, then handcuffs Big Show to the ropes. Rhodes puts on boxing gloves and pummels Big Show, who is very unsteady after he's released.

Ha! Otunga has jacket around his shoulders as part of his entrance now. That's great. Santino doesn't get as much of a reaction as I expected him too, but the crowd clearly still likes him. Santino has painted abs, and they proceed to have a pose off. Laurinitis ends up distracting Santino long enough for Otunga to pick up the win. Johnny Ace mocks Santino, prompting Teddy to smack him.

There's a video of someone's head, presumably Lord Tensai? Not sure who that is.

Finally The Rock has come back to Philadelllllphia. We get another history lesson from the Rock, saying that he's wanted to be the greatest since he was a child. He also seems to finally give Cena tiny bit of respect, saying that Cena is the final person he has to beat to be the greatest ever. He gets some nice local applause, then starts saying some of the greatest wrestler's catchphrases, including a surprisingly good Macho Man impression. This is a good promo, though for me it only underscores the fact that he's so much better when he's not live.

Before the commercial, Daniel Bryan enters with AJ, who is looking amazing as always. She's definitely my favorite Diva. Coming back from the break, we get a recap of the end of the Jericho vs. Sheamus match Friday. And then out comes Zack Ryder to face Daniel Bryan! They show a short clip of the Ryder rally earlier in the day, showing that Ryder is trying to get on Team Teddy. This is a solid match – Ryder hits the Broski Boot (which always looks really painful) and goes for the Rough Ryder, but Bryan counters it into the Lebell Lock. Ryder taps out far too quickly – it makes him look weak.

Next up is John Cena and, while the boos are still there, they're not nearly as loud as they were before. Mark Henry comes out, and the camera work for his entrance is as fantastic as always. The close shot from behind really emphasizes his size well. It's damn intimidating. This is a fine match, and Mark Henry gets to show off his strength as he takes control early and just manhandles Cena. I wonder if they changed the story of this match because of the car accident. Cena turns it around, hits the Five Knuckle Shuffle and the Attitude Adjustment for the win. I don't care who you are, but seeing Cena hit Mark Henry with the AA is damn impressive. Moments after the bell, The Rock's music hits and he comes down to the ring. He immediately hits Henry with a Rock Bottom, then leaves. I guess this is supposed to be intimidating? I think Cena was more impressive, though Cole tries to make it seem like the Rock Bottom lifted Henry into the stratosphere.

They show a clip from Extra which leads to the announcement of Kelly Kelly and Maria Menounos vs Beth Phoenix and Eve at Wrestlemania. Why should I care about this? And why isn't Beth Phoenix defending her title?

The Miz has a great promo, leading into a match against Sheamus. Miz is aggressive, but it's clear from early on that Sheamus is going to get the win. However, Miz puts up a good fight, making it a very close match. Sheamus ends up winning with a Brogue Kick. They cut to Laurinitis and Otunga watching the match, and Otunga's mug is gaudy!

Orton has a brief but effective promo, but I find myself disappointed that Kane doesn't attack him afterwards. After this they show a clip of Big Show, Stephanie McMahon and David Otunga at a Be A Star event. It's nice, though McMahon has historically been a bitchy bully, and Otunga is currently something of a bully. Vicki Guerrero interrupts Jerry Lawler to announce that Swagger and Ziggler are the newest members of Team Johnny.

This leads into American Perfection vs. Kofi and R-Truth. This is a great match, as both teams work really well together. There's a great moment where Swagger tries to break up a pin and ends up hitting Ziggler instead. American Perfection gets the win because Vickie interferes, pushing Truth's foot off the rope. This leads to a cat fight between Aksana and Vickie afterwards.

I don't know if I can say anything about this next bit. HBK, Undertaker and HHH in the ring at the same time? It's as good as anyone could hope for, and I thoroughly enjoy every second. Triple H draws a lot of similarities between himself and Undertaker, in particular the fact that they've both been in 19 Wrestlemanias, and they're both known for the Hell in a Cell matches. I also love that they won't let each other finish what they're saying. One of the things that strikes me, oddly, is how much shorter Shawn Michaels is than either of them. Looking at them together, you wouldn't believe that he is probably the best wrestler of the three.

Overall, I think this was a great episode. I'm not sure where they'll go next week, but I'm excited for Wrestlemania.

WWE Raw 3/12/2012

Tonight: Rock and Rap battle!

Word life! This is basic Thuganomics. We get some rhymes from Cena, and they're pretty awesome. I'm surprised they let him swear (though they obviously censored it) and it was highly amusing.

I love that Vickie's “EXCUSE ME!” interrupted Jerry Lawler. She has a nice couple lines about Daylight Savings Time to introduce Dolph Ziggler. Apparently the first match is Ziggler vs. Sheamus. I kind of like Ziggler's new trunks – it suits him. He is a fantastic wrestler, one of the best in the company – the only heel that matches him is Cody Rhodes.

After Sheamus tosses Ziggler out of the ring, Ziggler crawls under the ring to attack a distracted Sheamus from behind. It's a nice heel tactic. Daniel Bryan and AJ are watching from a skybox, and Bryan claims that he wasn't rude to AJ Friday when he told her to shut up. She doesn't look happy, so maybe she'll turn on him soon? Back to the match, does anyone remember the last time Sheamus actually pulled of the Celtic Cross Powerbomb? It's been countered a lot lately. This has turned into a great match, lasting a surprisingly long time. Sheamus ends up winning off a surprise Brogue Kick. Before they go to commercial, they say that the board of directors finally announced the Team Laurinitis vs. Team Long match at Wrestlemania. Disappointing, but unsurprising.

After the commercial is a mixed tag match. Santino and Aksana vs. Otunga and... Nevermind, Laurinitis changed it to a handicap match with Mark Henry teaming with Otunga. Teddy Long comes out to escort Aksana out, and Henry hits Santino from behind to knock him out for the win. As Henry and Otunga beat on Santino, Kofi and R-Truth come out to help, though they get demolished without being able to put up any sort of offensive. Laurinitis then adds Mark Henry to his team for Wrestlemania.

There's a fairly sad promo after the commercial break, showing that the story between Eve and Ryder is continuing. It's kind of sad. It's followed by a much better promo between the Miz, Laurinitis and guest host James Roday (star of Psych). It's quite fun.

The next match is the return of the Funkasaurus, Brodus Clay! I don't care at all about Jinder Mahal, his opponent – I'm just excited Brodus is back. Mahal gets the early offensive, but it turns into a squash match pretty quickly.

HBK comes out after the break (after they point out that some rapper is in the audience, which I don't at all care about). He seems a bit subdued, though the crowd starts chanting regardless. He calls out the Undertaker, and there is a noticeable pause between him doing that and 'Taker's entrance music starting. I don't think it means anything, and the promo between HBK and Undertaker is fantastic. 'Taker threatens HBK, saying that if the match isn't called fairly, that he will end him.

James Roday announces the next match – The Miz vs. CM Punk. This is a short, but entertaining match, ending when Miz taps to the Anaconda Vise. Jericho gets a great promo, telling Punk that he's destined to be an alcoholic like his father. I don't know if that's true or not, but Punk really seems affected by it. The only thing that could have made that better was if the sad Hulk music played as Punk walked out.

Next is Randy Orton vs. Jack Swagger. Swagger's hair looks really weird. It's not a bad match, though the result is obvious from the beginning. Orton wins, and Kane's pyrotechnics go off, though Kane doesn't enter.

Christian's returning Friday! Finally!

Rock comes out for the final segment, and starts with his regular schtick – the catchphrases, chants and pandering to the crowd. The song is better than I expected, though I think Cena's rap was better. I'm disappointed that Rock goes directly to the gay jokes and calling Cena a woman. And then he goes into old nerd jokes about Cena's fans. And then he has a joke about sleeping with Cena's mom. I really wish he had some new material – these are all old jokes. When they do their own version of We Will Rock You, Rock's performance doesn't impress.

Final thoughts: Jericho, Undertaker and HBK had great promos, while the Rock and Cena's were enjoyable. A number of enjoyable matches make this a good Raw, though not the best.

WWE Raw 3/5/2012

FINALLY! THE ROCK! HAS COME BACK! TO BOOOOSSSSTON!

The show starts out strong with HBK, who strangely still has my favorite ring entrance – for some reason, his pyrotechnics combined with him getting on his knees and shaking his head makes me happy. He cuts a promo with HHH, and it's as good as it is expected to be. They work amazingly well together, and the reveal that Shawn Michaels is the guest referee is obvious but still welcome.

After the commercial there's a United States Championship match between Jack Swagger and Santino Marella. It's a good match, with a great back and forth. The interference from Laurinitis and Otunga hurt it at first, but it had an extremely strong ending after Santino hits Ziggler with the Cobra, following it by countering the Ankle Lock into a three count. We then get Teddy Long booting Laurinitis and Otunga, followed by a celebration by Santino, Teddy Long, Kofi and Aksana (who I wish wasn't involved). I love that Santino is the new US Champion – he really deserves it, and he's better on the mic than most wrestlers in the WWE.

The Dwayne is talking about starting a Rock Revolution. Not sure what sort of revolution this is. He starts out funny as he throws Cena merchandise into the river, but the crack about Cena being a transvestite Wonder Woman lost me – that's not funny. Not a bad promo, but not amazing either.

Of course, next is a Divas match – Eve vs. Alicia Fox, with Kelly Kelly on commentary. The match lasts about a minute, but I get excited when Zack Ryder comes out – broskis before hoeskis! After the commercials, we get to see Eve chase down Zack and kiss him, leaving Ryder smiling. It looks the story will be Eve manipulating Ryder for whatever reason.

Next there's a promo from a thoughtful John Cena. This is a good promo, though I'm sure a lot of people will disagree – it gives Cena a more introspective side, and allows him to show his thoughts without yelling.

Next match is CM Punk and Sheamus vs. Jericho and Daniel Bryan. We start out with Jericho and Punk in the ring, and it is fantastic. They are some of the best technicians ever in the business, and it's a thing of beauty to watch the work together. Punk wins this exchange, as Jericho retreats to tag in Bryan. Punk tags in Sheamus, and they trade blows for a little bit. Jericho hits a sneak attack on Punk to turn control as we go to the break. When we come back, Sheamus regains control until Bryan and Jericho manage another double team. Sheamus manages to take out Jericho, and Punk and Bryan tag in – Punk is doing a great job at selling his back injury, and nails a Macho elbow on Bryan for a near-fall. Eventually Jericho gets the pin on Punk, though I didn't see him tag in this time.

Rock History lesson #2: Paul Revere. I guess if Cena was Paul Revere, we'd still be British. An alright promo again, but the best part is his little song. After the commercial there's a recap of the events between Long and Laurinitis, and then the Miz vs. Big Show. It is immediately interrupted by Cody Rhodes and another Embarassing Big Show Wrestlemania moment, and it is glorious. Big Show wins after a huge Spear and a WMD.

Rock History lesson #3: This is a better promo than the previous two, though he does fall back on his catchphrases a bit much. After the commercials, R-Truth comes out and his talking head interview is one of the better that I've seen. It seems he's facing Kane. Or rather, it seems like he's going to be fed to Kane. Kane starts in control and doesn't lose it except for a very brief oment where R-Truth lands a few kicks. Kane picks up the win after a chokeslam, but Orton comes out afterward and delivers an RKO. This is a weak buildup to a Wrestlemania match.

Next up is John Cena, who gets his normal mixed reaction, though the cheers are a bit louder. I see the Edge and Christian five second pose shirt in the audience, and I am crazy jealous. Cena talks about how exciting it is that the Rock is back, and has some great lines – the line where he compares him to the Situation is brilliant. Cena's entire promo is great, and I really enjoy it. The Rock comes out, and immediately pulls out one of his promos. The Rock claims he can see fear in Cena, and I don't buy it at all. He's then interrupted by the crowd chanting Tooth Fairy. I love that Cena never stops smiling through the Rock's rant. After the Rock leaves, Cena busts out a short but effective promo, complete with a joke about notes on his wrists. Also, Cena's wife is hot!

Final thoughts: A good episode. Highlights were the tag match, Santino winning the US championship and the great duelling promo between the Rock and Cena.